Tomorrow you are going to complete 100 days on this earth and in this short time span you have changes so much from a small and sleepy baby to energetic and alert ( its 1 PM and you are still awake kinda alert). I just want to confess that I love you more than yesterday but less than tomorrow. To be very honest with you, the first weeks were so hard!! You were not difficult love (you were equally cuddly) but adjusting to new life was a tough task for your mama. You dear mama was not doing well with the change and of course those baby blues were the hardest.
I still remember the early days when you did not sleep at all and you were super colicky and I was struggling breastfeeding. On the very first day at the hospital, you weren’t latching properly and because of that you didn’t eat much and became badly fussy. I was struggling mentally that what you wanted me to do and days after I started spending majority of my time feeding you.
We struggled through gas and fussiness and after consultation with a bunch of expert pediatricians we figured out that this happens to every other child and your little digestive tract was figuring itself out. I will never forget those days when you just eat, sleep and repeat and in the meantime I used to write blogs and watch friends. I am going to miss this skin to skin time sniggles, tummy time, walks in the porch and those stroller rides.
Being a new mom can be crazy and hard.
New moms worry, love, get sad, has lots of joy and fear. Thank god google search histories aren’t public. Had they been, the world and you would think I am crazy. And I am really crazy of thinking that one day (if you choose) will have one of your own and I will watch you going through this. I hope you know that I love you with all my heart and you are the best thing ever happened to me and your dad. We are so excited for the next phase of your childhood and life.
I want to remember how badly you want to eat your fingers. I really want to remember how much I love you when you fuss for attention in the middle of the night. I love hugging your little body and remind myself for the 1000th time how lucky I am. Breathing in your sweet baby scent and holding you against my body- Oh, I could stay in this peaceful moment forever. I want to remember how strong you make me feel, like I can move mountains to protect you. I feel empowered and humbles. I want to remember the wonder and love in your face when you look up at me making my heart explode. No one ever looked at me that way, as though maybe I was magic.
You are my constant, my beautiful worry.
I love you my sweetheart.