It’s possible that, at some point, you felt that a loved one couldn’t support you emotionally. It may have seemed strange and indifferent. Being emotionally unavailable is normal when you’re busy or need some privacy. But what about those who repeatedly leave such an impression? In general, how do you identify someone emotionally unavailable?
What makes a person emotionally unavailable may be unique to them. It could be a sign of childhood trauma, a personality issue, or a restless attachment style. Although each person is unique, there are warning signs of emotional unavailability. Knowing these signs can help you protect yourself and make informed relationship decisions if you feel committed to someone emotionally unavailable.
What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?
Someone emotionally unavailable is unwilling to talk or express their feelings. They can be hard to read, elusive or scaly.
The licensed psychotherapist says a lack of emotional depth often reflects on someone being emotionally unavailable. You won’t find the phrase “emotionally unavailable” in any diagnostic psychology textbook, Spall says, because it’s become popular over the past ten years thanks to meme culture. Due to the prevalence of dating apps and “hookup culture,” the phrase has further cemented its position.
Emotional unavailability can manifest in different ways depending on the situation, but the underlying denominator is that emotions are difficult to manage. Here are some important indicators that someone is emotionally unavailable:
- They don’t talk to you.
When someone doesn’t express or show their true feelings around you, it’s one of the most obvious signs that they’re emotionally unavailable. And even if you try to be able to open up and express your feelings to them, they never let their guard down around you. For example, he may hide his feelings and not tell you what he thinks but confides in you about a terrible day at work or a frustrating night out with friends. And it’s not hard to recognize that there may be a problem with emotional detachment and unavailability if your partner is so complex and difficult to explain.
- They are not comfortable with your feelings.
An emotionally distant person is also not attentive or supportive when you share your feelings. When you choose to be open and vulnerable with your spouse, if you react with worry, annoyance, frustration, or withdrawal, it’s a sign that you’re not adept at handling emotions, yours and yours. If your boyfriend is unwilling or unable to be there for you when you need him most, that’s a sign that you’re with someone emotionally unavailable.
- Often uses sarcasm
Try to noticed how they disagree each and every everything with a bad joke or a sarcastic comment? An emotionless person makes their own funny joke instead of trying to expressing anger, sadness, frustration, or disappointment to avoid dealing with powerful feelings and appearing disinterested in your eyes. Emotionally unavailable people often use humor to direct the conversation or ask their spouse not to get emotional.
For example, even if your spouse is disappointed and hurt that they didn’t get a promotion, they will somehow make fun of it and laugh in front of you for not having to deal with, deal with, and discuss what’s happening. When they laugh instead of being honest and use sarcasm to cope, it’s clear they’re emotionally severing ties with you.
- They give you mixed signals.
People who are not emotionally available can be very annoying. They can start strong before going up the distances. They may say they like you, want to date you, or see a future with you, but they won’t commit right now. You may find yourself emphasizing the positive aspects of the communication while ignoring the fact that the other person is reluctant to engage or hoping that you will reconsider.
They may not be ready for a stable, committed relationship if they hesitate to say they want one and admit they don’t. The degree to which someone is ready to enter a new committed relationship greatly affects how they relate to a potential partner.
Unsurprisingly, a study found that singles who said they were ready were more likely to be interested in someone special, act in a way that showed they wanted to start dating, physically flirt, and touch others. According to the study, people who have experienced unhappy relationships, such as infidelity, are less likely to be ready for a committed union.
- They reject labels and pursue excellence.
A warning sign is to pretend to be single while dating. A good indicator that things aren’t developing is if the person you’re watching doesn’t want any brand your relationship. Relationships can turn into many forms, but Schaefer says if someone isn’t willing to define their situation of a relationship or discuss what they can expect while still wanting its benefits, they may not be ready to be a partner.
If you think you always have to be perfect, laid-back, charming, and intriguing to keep someone interested, then you might not be the problem. Because partners constantly seek something unpleasant to excuse their bad behavior, emotionally unavailable people are hard to please. They look for perfection in imperfect people to find excuses based on their imperfections to stop things or delay a meaningful relationship with you.
- They are undecided about what things they require from you and respect your time.
“If you doubt what they say most of the time, or if you can’t get clear answers about what your other half needs or wants from a good relationship, they may not be there to be. Unsafe with you,” Shaffer says. It can also make you feel like you’re “walking on your testicles” lest some mistake prevents them from calling you. Such a dynamic could be more productive. Although opening up can be intimidating, when humans are there, they allow themselves to tell their partner what they want.
Emotionless humans often have no idea how others are feeling. (By the way, this is show its a narcissist thing.) They generally like to control events and are afraid to compromise. Chances are the any person you’re dating is emotionally unavailable if they expect you to give and do your bestest to stick to their routine but don’t care. They have less the emotional maturity to recognize that relationships are mutually beneficial and instead want the relationship to be centered around them.
What makes people emotionally unavailable?
According to Dr. Romanoff, some possible causes of emotional unavailability include the following:
- Social and cultural influence
Some people have learned that showing emotions shows weakness. Instead, people learn to suppress or shut down emotional cues by developing coping mechanisms and habits.
- Early life experiences
Many emotionally insensitive adults were once children who believed their parents couldn’t take care of them. These children learned to cope by controlling their emotions and limiting others’ access to them, thus preventing further invalidation or neglect on their part.
- Painful experience
People may also shut down emotionally due to situational factors, such as breakups, divorces, or traumatic experiences, to maintain daily functioning. It may be difficult for them to continue living if they feel their feelings fully.
- Historical events
If someone has learned from past relationships that expressing their feelings causes hurt and pain, they may be emotionally unavailable.
Relationships are one of the things from which a person learns many things. Sometimes there are many things that are available emotionally, but people are about them. In the above article, we have mentioned some of the emotionless things people avoid. This article is for you if you are also in a relationship. If you need any help regarding relationships, then the Indian parenting blog can help you.